Consisto Sanitas: some jokes to share..

Good Nurses Humor

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.
"I am ’Gina the Great’," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses refute her.
The nurses quickly aurgued amongst themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.
"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break!"

Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses

A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does.
An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up
A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can’t read it.
An experienced nurse doesn’t wear a name badge for liability reasons
A Graduate Nurse charts too much.
An experienced nurse doesn’t chart enough.
A Graduate Nurse loves to run to codes.
An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.
A Graduate Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.
An experienced nurse doesn’t want anyone to know they are a nurse.
A Graduate Nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.
An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.
A Graduate Nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.
An experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.
A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards.
An experienced nurse can’t hear any alarms at any distance.
A Graduate Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.
An experienced nurse doesn’t want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.
A Graduate Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.
An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.
A Graduate Nurse thinks people respect Nurses.
An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.
A Graduate Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.
An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.
A Graduate Nurse looks for a chance "to work with the family."
An experienced nurse avoids the family.
A Graduate Nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.
An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.
A Graduate Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.
An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.
A Graduate Nurse always answers their phone.
An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.
A Graduate Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.
An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.
A Graduate Nurse carries reference books in their bag.
An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some "cough syrup" in their bag.
A Graduate Nurse doesn’t find this funny.
An experienced nurse does.

Nursing Humor - Living With a Nurse

It’s hard to live with a nurse because...
1) When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
2) Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because she doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday she’s had off in years.
3) You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.